Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
