Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
