guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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