I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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