There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
