I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
