he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
