Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
