But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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