I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
