So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
