Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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