He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
