She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
