I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
