Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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