after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
