is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
