What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
