dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
