I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Found the puke drawer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
