He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
