I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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