Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
