also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
