I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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