Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
