Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
