shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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