some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
