I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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