I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she pinky promised me she was 18
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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