The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
