My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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