Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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