So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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