Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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