I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
