R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
