I am puke
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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