They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
