Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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