She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize