your thong is hanging out like whoa
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
