Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
