I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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