you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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