If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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