Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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