my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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