His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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