flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
