Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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