boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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