im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
