and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
