Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
