Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
