I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
