Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize