well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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