I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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