her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
