now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there's paper in my vomit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
