I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
