So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
