he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
