Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
