Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
