birth control should be required to get into college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
