Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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