he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
