I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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